Chapter 3

The Primary Race

and

Scary Tales.

  They were, indeed, a queer-looking party that assembled in the classroom -- all obviously still dripping wet, cross and uncomfortable for water reached the waist of most of them.  The first question of course was how to get the class all dry again. Mr. Loremouse soon called out, "Sit down, all of you and listen to me!  I'll soon make you dry enough!"

      "Get ready to be terribly bored," one student whispered to Alix, "for you see Mr. Loremouse has a stunning gift of memory and could recite word for word long passages from books he read long ago..."

      "Ahem!" said Mr. Loremouse with an important air, "are you all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all around, if you please!

'The third period of capitalism we might call financial capitalism.  It began about 1850, reached its peak about 1914, and ended about 1932. Its typical forms of economic organization was the limited-liability corporation and the holding company.  It was a period of financial or banker management...' " ¹

     "Ugh!" said Miss Lory, with a shiver.

     "I beg your pardon!" said Mr. Loremouse, frowning, but very politely. "Did you speak?"

     "Not I," said little Miss Lory hastily.

      Then Alix replied "Listen to him, class. I believe his tale is just about to get more interesting, "and at that moment, Alix, in his excitement, stepped on Mr. Loremouse's tail and the teacher jumped with a yelp.

     "Ya," quacked Master Ducky, "his tail is quite interesting now.  Ha, ha."

      "I didn't mean that tale..." quickly corrected Alix, but then Mr. Loremouse interjected, "Enough, Master Alix, you are stepping all over my tale.  I can carry it quite well."

      "Yes, he carries his tail quite well," added another comic from the back.

       "Enough. I proceed.

'...bankers could steer governments in ways they wished them to go... by the advice given to governments by bankers...[that] was consistently good for bankers, but was often disastrous for governments, businessmen and the people in general. ' " ²

     "In general what," Master Ducky quacked.

     "Just in general," replied Mr. Dormouse.

     "But in general what?  In general store. In General Patton's orders."

      "That can't be right," interjected Master Eaglet, "your grammar is all wrong, Ducky.  You must either say 'in a general store' or 'on General Patton's orders.'"

      "But Mr. Loremouse said 'in general.' Therefore he phrase is not only incomplete; its phrasing is so disordered that no addition can properly complete it."

     "Just in general. You know, in general." yelled Mr. Dormouse getting quite miffed. "Well, I proceed. As your history text will show,

'...the powers of these international bankers reached their peak in the years 1919-1931, when Montagu Norman and J. P. Morgan dominated not only the financial world but international relations...On November 11, 1927, the Wall Street Journal called Mr. Norman the "currency dictator of Europe." ...Mr. Norman is reported to have said, "I hold the hegemony of the world."  At the time, some Englishmen spoke of "the second Norman conquest of England." ' " ³

     "There you have it, Mr. Loremouse," interjected Alix, getting much excited, "if that's not an example of insiders acting in a conspiracy, then what is?"

     "But that is just history working out its inevitable destiny through impersonal economic, political and financial forces."

     "Oh, it certainly seemed like personal persons were acting together for their own personal desires to the detriment of many persons around them, but you know best sir.  What does a little person like me know?"

    "Good.  Now, my dear Alix, are you quite dry?"

    "Well, it doesn't seem to have dried me at all, after all we are all still in waist deep water."

    "In that case," said Principal Dodo, "I suggest that we adopt more energetic remedies in the form of a Primary Race.  Does anybody know what a Primary Race is?"

    "Yes," replied Alix, "It is where a party selects its candidates based on various elections in the states."

    "Oh ho, where have you been getting your information, Master Alix?  That's not a Primary Race at all."

     "No?" replied Alix.

     Then Mr. Dodo explained it by doing it.  First he marked out a race course, in a sort of circle and then all the class were placed along the course here and there.  There was no "One, two, three, and away," but they began running or swimming, when they liked, and left off when they liked, so it was not easy to know when the race was over.  However, when they had been running and swimming for ever such a long time, and they were quite tired of all of this, Mr. Dodo suddenly called out, "The race is over!" and they all crowded around him, panting and asking, "But who has won?"

     Without a moments hesitation, Mr. Dodo said, "Everybody has won and all must have stars." And Mr. Dodo went to the board and added stars to everyone's row, rows which were all quite the same in length."

    Alix looked at this display in dismay and said, "But how can you tell who's the best in the class?  Not everyone is the same in abilities, intelligence and talent."

    "But we can't treat everyone differently.  Then the best will get inflated heads and the least will get low esteem."

    "I don't want an inflated head," said Miss Lory, "if I did then my hats won't fit at all."

    "But why can't we all get some Lowesteem?  Is that some kind of German beer?  Are we too young for that?"

     And Mr. Dodo replied, "Why yes, you're all much too young to get low esteem. But don't despair, kids, I have here some Happy Candy which all of you will get for being such good boys and girls."

      "Oh, Yippee! Happy Candy." said all the boys and girls who all eagerly lined up for their share.  After they ate their candy they all went to rest by floating serenely on the water on comfy padded tubs while listening to soothing, comfy music.

      And it seems," Alix mumbled to himself, "all are much too delicate and buzzed out to get a proper education."  Then Alix looked at another display and saw that in this one not every child had the same number of stars which caused him to ask, "What is this display for?"

     "Oh, that is our truancy registry," Mr. Dodo supplied. "If any of our pupils are truant more than three times they are sent to truancy court."

     "Truancy court!" said Alix very excited. "No, that can't be.  How is it conducted?"

     "Oh, let Mr. Loremouse explain it in a tale; he's good with tales, ho."

     "It doesn't seem like a laughing matter to me," Alix said rather indignantly,"

     "Well, Mr. Loremouse."  

     "It is like this, I proceed.

'The Truancy officer said to the children, that he met in a pool-room, "Let us both go to school: I will prosecute you. Come, I'll take no denial: we must have a trial; for really this morning I've nothing better to do." Said the parents to the officer, "such a trial sir, with no jury or judge would be wasting our breath." "I'll be the judge, I'll be jury," said the cunning old officer of Truancy, "I'll try the whole cause and condemn you all to prison." ' "

  Alix thought that this little story would knock the complacency out of the students and scare the heebie-jeebies into them, but they were still floating serenely on the water. This got Alix quite mad and he lost it, getting a little irrational, "Oo! This truancy court can't be right," shouted the reddening Alix, "Why, it's not a crime to occasionally play hooky and to sail on a blue-green winding river like dear ole huckleberry!"

    "But they are floating on a river, my dear Alix," explained Mr. Dodo.

    "I meant on a real river out in the glorious sunny, God-made world."

     "Oh, but dear Master Alix," said Mr. Dodo quite patronizingly, "Then how can we inflict--oops, I mean instill--on them our oh so benevolent plan of psychological indoctrination--opps, I mean therapy--if they are not around to so joyfully receive it."

     "But that's the parent's job."

     "Ho, ho, you are a funny one, Master Alix," Mr. Dodo said jocularly, "the parents' job, ho, ho," and Mr. Loremouse joined in on the jocose jockeying jocularity.

     "But it is the parents who have the power, the responsibility, over their children."

     "I dare say you are right, but they seem to have acquitted themselves of that power and gave it to us.  It seems that we are now the powers that be."

     "And who are your masters?"

    "Oh, but we have no masters.  It's all a system; all inevitable."

     "Oh, but there are certainly masters over you."

    "No, there is most certainly not. No masters over anyone.  Just the inevitable steamrolling of progress."

     Then Alix got boiling mad and he spewed out this diatribe, "come on, Mr. Loremouse and Mr. Dodo, you must tell these children the truth.  There most certainly is those powers that be and these powers that be are out to enslave us and put us into concentration camps."

     "We are going to camp! Whippee!  What nice food will they serve us there?"

     "They will not serve nice food, but thin soup and week old bread."

      "No, that can't be.  We are afraid of such powers," and a third of the kids rushed out of the class--where they were free to think happy thoughts--scared more of the crazy messenger and discussing such dire issues than in any real possibility of being imprisoned.

      "And then these powers will take away all your toys and then they will split you from your mothers and fathers, your brothers and sisters."

       "No, that can't be.  We are afraid of such powers," and another third of the kids rushed out of the class.

     "And then they will hurt you and make you scream and then they will exterminate you."

     "No, that can't be.  We are afraid of such powers," and the last third of the kids rushed out of the class, including Mr. Dodo and Mr. Loremouse who especially didn't like the word exterminate.

     "You try to educate people and what do you get but parties running from you left, right and center," Alix thought as he trotted off toward what looked like dry land. "Well, it's enough to get you some Lowesteem." And just as he said that a mug of beer appeared in his hand. "Ha. Some good beer.  Better than milk and cookies."

    "Well, I wish I hadn't mentioned concentration camps," he said to himself in a melancholy tone. "Nobody seems to appreciate that concept down here and I'm sure it's one of my better theories. Oh, my dear theories! I wonder if anyone will really listen to me anymore."  And here poor Alix began to cry (inwardly for he was a man) for he felt very lonely and low-spirited.

    As he was feeling this, he finally came to dry land and he saw before him an open place with many little houses in it.  This raised his spirits for he said, "Well, this certainly looks like a college or university of sorts and I am sure to find people of some sense who can add to my knowledge and will listen to the little theories that I have.  And I seem to have re-grown, at least a little bit. Must be this very quenching and re-invigorating Lowesteem.  Ummm!"

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Footnotes

1. Page 38,  'Tragedy & Hope, A History Of The World In Our time,' by Carrol Quigley,  Published by THE MACMILLAN COMPANY,  NEW YORK and COLLIER-MACMILLAN CANADA, LTD., TORONTO CANADA,  1966.

2. Ibid., page 62.

3. Ibid., page 62.