| Chapter 10 Who Struck Terror Into this Fair Land?
All before Alix was a blur as all players moved behind pieces of furniture or pieces of furniture moved into place before the Crook-ed players. When all settled down, the White King was seated on his White Throne high above all others. The White-wigged Knaves all sat in a row under the White King. The Constitution was in a cage before the Chief Wigged Knave, still grinning as before as if it knew something that the others did not. The Big Men were in seats on either side and all Big Men, no matter what colors they sported before, were all wearing bright new outfits with the word CONSERVATIVE on it. A great crowd was assembled behind them in the galleries and Alix recognized the Town Crier there and what Alix assumed were more of his friends. Alix had never been in the Supreme Court before, but he had read about it in books, and he was quite pleased to find that he knew the name of everything there. However, some of the proceedings here were a little different than usual, perhaps because of the presence of the King or because this was some sort of different world. One of the biggest differences was that this was sort of a criminal trial to try an alleged criminal, namely himself, although the ostensible wording of the case stated that this was a case investigating who had struck terror into the land. Ostensibly, the Chief White Wig was in charge of this court, but by they way he seemed to watch the King, with eyes behind his back, Alix supposed, it seemed like it was the King who was really in charge here. And as in all Supreme Court cases, there was no jury. The judges and the jury were the White Wigs up there. And ostensibly they were supposed to be under the scrutiny of the Constitution, but Alix wondered who was under whom here at the moment, what with the Constitution all caged up and restricted in its movements. "Herald, read the accusation!" said the King, although this was usually the Chief Wig's job. On this the White Rabbit, still wearing all black, blew three blasts on the trumpet and unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:
"The King of your hearts, he made remarks, All to keep terror at bay; "El Torro Bravo, he twisted those remarks, And now terror holds its sway!"
And this little bit of accusation flung at Alix, made him quite mad, and with this anger, Alix grew in size until he towered over all. Being near the ceiling, Alix noticed that the chandelier was really in fact a cauldron that was filled with green gloop and that thin gloopulous vapors had been emanating from it for a while and descending unto the court encoiling many in its evil icy fingers although not all seemed to be equally affected by it depending on their level of protection. Alix pulled the Chandelier down to court level so all could see and started to speak, for nobody at the moment wanted to argue with the ten-foot tall Alix. When Alix started making his usual speeches, he saw that the green gloop turned more red as he talked and as his speech increased in volume, relevancy and cogency, the more completely red the gloop became. He concluded that speaking the truth to the gloop revealed what it really was: red gloop just like they had in the land of the Red King. Borrowing a large bullhorn from one of the Judges, he commenced bellowing loud, large truths into the bubbling, noisome cauldron and this turned the gloop all red and soon it heated so much that it exploded all over the court and all in it.
Alix blared out, "Don't you see that gloop isn't something nutritious that the land needs to become more invigorated, but that it is something that will enwrap its icy fingers around us in a maelstrom of tyranny such as it does in the land of the Red King..." But as Alix was speaking, some of the red gloop had snuck behind him and ensared him and pulled him into a corner where he was stilled and quieted for a change. "Well, enough of courtroom antics," said the King totally ignoring Alix's evidence, "Now, consider your decision," the White King said to the Wigs. "Not yet, not yet!" the White Rabbit hastily interrupted, for it seemed that he was some power in the land, perhaps even higher than the White King. "There's a great deal to come before that!" Perhaps the White Rabbit knew that even they can only go so far, what with the presence in the galleries of the Town Criers--mostly, but not completely, in their pockets. "Well, call the first witness or whatever you do next," said the White King a little impatient with how slow the proceedings were proceeding. The White Rabbit urgently proclaimed, "we must clean up this mess right away; no time to lose," and with a wave of his hand, he beckoned in a court official that drove a vehicle-machine that cleaned up the mess lickety-split.
"Why are they so keen on cleaning up this gloop," thought Alix. "Perhaps they want to eliminate any evidence that the green gloop is really red gloop, especially in front of these Town Criers. Another reason is perhaps that the elitist here do not want to be infected with that very red gloop that they want to inflict on others; just goes to show you how dangerous this red gloop is." The White Rabbit continued, "Now, the Snoopicitor General will give his oral presentation." "And how long with that take?" asked the King. "He has thirty minutes to present it." "That is too long. I give him thirty seconds." "That is too short, your Highness, we must make sure we convict the accused properly in front of the Town Criers." "OK, I'll compromise. Who says I'm not a good politician. I'll give you no more than six minutes." "Six minutes! Good, your highness. Will the Snoopicitor General now present the case for the government. Oh, yes, that happens to be me." Then the White Rabbit proceeded to a tele-buzz-collator-snoopo-contemplator-meter in the corner and by pressing some keys on a piano-like console, he produced a storm of papers from the machine that then proceeded to form into a rather large, but neat pile on a podium.
However, at just that moment, a strong wind entered the courtroom--or let us say passed through it, for they were still in the middle of the dark woods--and blew all these papers here and there until all were lost in the dark woods except one that was still laying on the podium. At the same time snow started to slowly and gently fall all about them all: in the courts, in the woods and on the surrounding mountain sides. "Whew!" thought Alix, "I am glad that most of the evidence against me is gone, though I wonder what they all had against me and how they got so much of it in the first place." However on second thought this was not so much a mystery as he first thought. "Well, go on Rabbit," said the King. "I lost most of my evidence," explained an exasperated White Rabbit. "Well, go on with what you have. After all, who needs evidence anyway." "OK, I proceed. First, I will read a section from a subversive document:
'You have hoped in the Lord for evermore. For He shall bring them down that dwell on high, the high city he shall lay low. He shall bring it down even to the ground...The path of the just is right to walk in...let not the giants rise again: therefore hast thou visited and destroyed them and hast destroyed all their memory...O ye that dwell in the dust: for thy dew is the dew of the light: and the land of the giants thou shalt pull down into ruin.' " 1
"But that is from the..." Alix started to say. "It is not your turn to speak now," said the King. Gag him so we will not have any more of these unprocedural interruptions." And they did just that to Alix. "I have the sworn signed affidavits of two witnesses, Mr. Loremouse and Mr. Dodo, swearing that they saw, the accused, Alix Jones, read such a subversive piece of literature. Now the Constitution--hear that Town Criers, we are sticking to the exact words of this great document that we all here revere-- now, according to the Constitution, for the accusation of Treason to be valid, 'No person shall be convicted of treason unless on the Testimony of two witnesses to that same overt Act.' We have the two witnesses, but what is the overt Act. Well, the Constitution defines treason as follows" "Treason against the Land shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort." And what is War? No doubt, when we are attacked by bullets and rockets. But surely war can consist in a war of words which no doubt the accused has been involved in when he tried to undermine the resolve of this country to fight against our enemies by stating that we really have no enemies to fight against." "This is not exactly my viewpoint," thought an exasperated Alix, "I believe we have enemies, but I disagree with the established point of view of just where the source of this enmity emanates from and it can be closer to home than anyone thinks." The White Rabbit continued, "This certainly is giving our enemies Aid and Comfort. And we have many affidavits swearing to this effect, although most are now in the woods. But if his war of words will not convince you of his treason, Ladies and Gentlemen of the court, this other piece of evidence will. No doubt all of you have witnessed--testified in more affidavits--that the King and his entourage were bowled over by mighty roar the other day; no doubt this emanated from something Alix Jones planted in the woods, for it is right here in his written plan of attack on the King and the State which details his conspiracy with a subversive called Catlan:
'and the land of the giants thou shalt pull down into ruin.' 1
"We have more sworn affidavits of a conversation between the Cat and Alix that demonstrates a conspiracy between the Cat, Alix and the aforementioned Catlan. In summary, Ladies and Gentlemen of the court, we have many witnesses to an several overt Act of Treasons against this Land emanating, directly or indirectly, from none other than the accused. That is my case." "Good," said the White Rabbit. "Now, for the other side. Do you have any counsel, Alix?" "No," said a perplexed Alix. "Is there anyone here who would to like to act as his counsel? No! Come on. Nobody. Do you wish to act in your defense?" "I do," said Alix. "Come on, we are wasting time. I've got to get to an important ranching thing or other back at my ranch. There will soon be so much snow that nobody and nothing can get through. I will give him six seconds to argue his case." "Six seconds," yelled Alix, "That's not fair at all." "Times up," exclaimed the White Rabbit. "Now, certainly that's unfair..." "We will have none of these unprocedural proceedings. Gag him up again," said the White King. And They did just that. "Now, it is time for the decision. Come on men. What is it?" "We can't do nothing until all the briefs that have flown into the woods have been picked up," said the Chief White Wig. "As the White Rabbit said we must do this all according to the book." "Yes, your highness," concurred the White Rabbit. "Very well, the sentencing of death will be postponed until all the papers have been picked up. You're a lucky one, Mr. Jones, or else it would have been off with your head today." And with that they took Alix away to his cell. Because he was placed in a cell where they could get at him very quickly, Alix had a view of the next proceedings. The accused this time actually looked like none other than the fabled Santa Claus (that's me, ho, ho) And Alix knew he was right when he heard the White Rabbit announce the accusation: "Your Highness, this strangely attired personage has been caught passing our borders without a passport and on top of that flying a very strange contraption full of items not registered with any federal agency. The Trial will now begin of a Mr. Santa Claus." This was all too much for Alix, and as he was up all day anyway, he fell softly unto the hay in his cell and fell fast asleep.
Footnotes: 1. Isias 26:14-19, The Douay-Rheims The Holy Bible, revised by Bishop Calloner (1749-1752) Published by TAN BOOKS AND PUBLISHERS, INC, Rockford Illinois 61105, 1971, reprinted 1989, 2000.
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