Chapter 11

How the Prince

Stole Christmas

    When Alix woke up I (Santa Claus, that is. -- RB) was staring down at him.  "Well," thought Alix,  "it looks like they got Santa Claus too."

    "Ho ho, you feeling all right there, Alix? You had quite a sleep."

    "Yes, I had quite a sleep," Alix said still feeling the itchy hay under him.  His eyes were still blurry from sleep. He looked outside through the window in his cell and he saw that the whole countryside, the woods and the high mountains, were thick with a deep blanket of snow.

    "Well, you want to hear a tale, young man?"

    "I have nothing better to do. Well, shoot. No never mind about any shooting. Just go ahead."

     And I did go ahead and my way of telling a story was in a poetic kind of way and reminded Alix a lot of Dr. Seuss's style;  I started my tale, "I proceed, ho ho:

Every Trhoo who lived down in

Trhoo-Vail liked Christmas a lot.

But the Prince who lived

On Trhoo-Vail Mountain did not.

The Prince hated Christmas,

The whole Christmas season,

Please don't ask why, no one

Quite knows the reason.

It could be that his head was

Not screwed on just right;

It could be, perhaps, that his

Crown was too tight.

But I think the most

Likely reason to dig,

May have been that his head

Was two sizes too big. "

     "Could that Prince be the White King?" asked Alix.

    "Could be, could be, but not necessarily so," I chimed, "for this is a generic tale about all generic villains."

     "Well, I'll pretend you're talking about the White King, Santa."

     "Do as you wish; this is my Christmas present to you. Now, sit back and enjoy the 'tale.'  Mr. Loremouse would like that.  Ho ho;  stepping all over my tale, hey Alix,  ho ho.  I proceed:

But whatever the reason,

His head or his crown,

He stood there on Christmas Eve,

Hating that town.

He stared down from his house,

With a sour Prince frown,

At the warm lighted windows,

Below in their town.

For he knew all Trhoos

In Trhoo-Vail beneath,

Were busy now hanging

A mistle-trhoo wreath.

'And they're hanging their stockings,'

He said with a sneer.

'Tomorrow's Christmas,

It's practically here.'

Then he growled

With his Prince fingers nervously drumming,

'I must find some way

To stop Christmas from coming.'

For tomorrow he knew

That old-borns and new-borns,

Would wake up bright and early,

And rush for their horns.

And then, oh, the noise!

Oh, the noise, noise, noise, noise!

That's one thing he hated,

The noise, noise, noise, noise!

Then the Trhoos, young and old,

Would sit down to beat,

And they'd beat, and they'd beat,

And they'd beat, beat, beat, beat!

They would beat in the west,

And they'd beat in the east,

Which was something the Prince

Couldn't stand in the least.

And then they'd do something

He liked least of all.

Every Trhoo down in Trhoo-Vail,

The tall and the small,

Would stand close together

With Christmas bells ringing,

They'd stand hand in hand,

And the Trhoos would start singing.

And they'd sing, and they'd sing,

And they'd sing, sing, sing, sing! "

    "I like the blowing of the horns the best, Santa," exclaimed a pleased Alix.

    "I knew you would like that. Now sit down and relax and enjoy this noisy tale:

And the more the Prince thought,

Of this Trhoo Christmas thing,

The more the Prince thought,

'I must stop the whole thing!'

 'Why for sixty-two years,

I've put up with it now,

I must stop this Christmas from coming,

But How?'

Then he got an idea,

An awful idea,

The Prince got a wonderful,

Awful idea. "

    "I think he got his idea from one of his advisors," interjected Alix, "probably from his Vice-ier. Ho ho, "

    "That just could be, for this story could very well be called 'How the Bunch Stole Christmas,' ho ho. Now on with this so very important advisory tale, ho ho:

'I know just what to do,'

The Prince laughed with a hoot,

And he stole, all whole,

My confiscated Santa Claus suit.

And he chuckled and he clucked,

'What a great double-edged diabolical trick,

With this coat and this hat,

I'll be loved like Saint Nick.

By playing St. Nick,

I'll trick all the Trhoos:

So while it looks like

I'm giving in droves,

--And getting the Trhoos

To vote for me in polls--

I'd take and I'd take,

I'd take, take, take, take,

Until all the Trhoos

Are so lowered in wealth,

I'll have even more power,

I'll be their sugar-daddy elf.'

    "Hey, is this nefarious plot going on at this very instant?" asked a slowly comprehending Alix.

    "Could be, or it could be just starting or perhaps it is just finishing or it is simply always continuously playing," explained Santa without really explaining.

    "Huh, huh" astutely replied the sleepy-eyed Alix.

    "No, ho ho. This is a merry tale. Just sit back and relax and don't think too much on it; it will all become crystal clear in the end, ho ho. I proceed:

 'To carry out this plan,

I need to hamper that Cat;

And at the same time

I need to fly like an acrobat.'

'So I'll kill two birds

With one large stone;

Don't say I'm not a genius,

I'll be the one power under the Dome

'So I'll make that darn Cat

Do my square squire dealings,

While so legally constricting

His purrings and squealings.'

So he grabbed his caged Cat,

And took some hard leather,

And he tied a halter

Around this once treasured treasure.

'Why are you grinning,

Grinning at me like that,

You funny little mean

Ole dirty little Cat?'

But this ole Treasure Cat

Didn't say one darn word,

For it knew in his heart,

That the Prince would think it absurd.

Then he loaded some bags

And one big empty sack

On a ramshackle old sleigh

And he hitched up that Cat.

Then the Prince said, 'Giddy up,'

And the sleigh started down,

Toward the homes

Where Trhoos lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark,

Quiet snoo filled the air,

All the Trhoos were all dreaming

Split dreams about a Hare,

When he came

To the first Trhoo house on the square.

Then he slithered and he slunk,

With a smile most pleasant,

And in every Trhoo home,

He took every present.

Pop's guns! And guy rifles,

Bullhorns!  And Drums!

Yahoo data! Google trifles! 

 And all Tele-datums!

Then he slunk to the ice cave,

And took the Trhoos' rations,

He took the Trhoo-water,

He took the wireless to all Trhoo nations.

He cleared out the ice cave,

As quick as a flash,

Why, the Prince even stole

Their last coin of Trhoo-cash.

At the last house, he grabbed the tree

And he started to shove,

When he heard a small sound

Like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast

And he saw a wee cat,

So small a cat

One couldn't find one smaller than that

'This isn't the way,'

It said in a voice so small,

'To do things at Christmas,

No, not the way at all.'

But the prince

Continued on his way,

For this small thing

Was not a thing to obey.

And the one lone speck

In the house that he left,

Was a wee green tree needle,

Making the room totally bereft.

Yet that wee small cat

Scampered up to that needle,

And looked at it like the answer

To many a ravenous riddle.

And the cat softly padded to

That green needle on the mantle,

And in it the cat saw a whole world:

A father, a mother, a babe, most magical!

And the wee small cat stood there

Amid sharp hooks and twisted wire,

With it paws held together

As if in pious solemn prayer.

And in order to get at this seed

So green and so starry,

It entered that cutting entanglement,

Getting so red and so scarry.

***

It was a quarter past dawn,

 All the Trhoos were abed,

All the Trhoos were a-snooze,

When the Prince packed up his sled.

Eleven thousand feet up,

Up the side of Vail Mountain

He rode with his load

To store up for later countin'.

'Boo-hoo to the Trhoos,'

He was Princingly humming,

'They're finding out now

That no Christmas is coming!

Their mouths will hang open,

A minute or two,

Then the Trhoos down in Trhoo-Vail,

Will cry BOO-HOO!'

 'That's a noise, ' said the Prince,

 'That I simply must hear!'

So he paused

And the Prince put a hand to his ear.

But the sound wasn't sad,

Why the sound sounded merry,

It couldn't be so,

But it was merry, very!

Everyone down in Trhoo-Vail,

The tall and the small,

Was singing so joyously

Around a Christmas Tree so tall.

It was gloriously decorated

From the top to the bottom,

With those hooks and those wires

Formed into flowers all a-blossom.

And every Trhoo down

In Trhoo-Vail so True,

Were clad in the tree's light

Giving them a hyper-natural hue. "

"And you know, Santa," said Alix

who was just coming to full awakedness,

"I think that I can actually hear

them sing in all their gloriousness."

"Me too, ho, ho! 

Perhaps they are just outside that door:

Well, the Prince hadn't stopped

Christmas from coming:

It came, somehow or other,

It came, just the same.

And the Prince

With his Prince feet ice cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling,

How could it be so?

It came without ribbons,

It came without tags,

It came without packages,

Boxes or bags.

And he puzzled three hours

Until his puzzler was sore,

Then the Prince thought of something

He didn't think of before.

Every Christmas

Doesn't come from a store

Maybe Christmas means

A little bit more.

Na, that couldn't be!

Christmas is just a big fat lie,

To help my friends, the merchants,

Get bigger pieces of the pie!

What happened then?

Well in Trhoo-Vail they say,

The wee cat suddenly appeared

On top of that sleigh!

And as the puzzled Prince

Gazed on the Trhoos without alter,

The small little wee cat

Chewed off the Constitution's halter.

Then the little wee cat

Grew a thousand times bigger that day!

And it did make the sleigh shift

And it did make the sleigh sway.

To the Prince's great dismal dismay.

With the Prince hanging on abaft in the aft,

And the two Cats a-roar at the fore,

The sleigh did swish and it did swoosh,

Down the mountain galore.

Yes, with all its presents

The tinsel, the trappings,

It's drivers, its occupants,

And the Prince and all his crappings.

Until it glided to that Tree,

And the presents did float,

To just the right Trhoo,

As if by magic fairy boat.

And the two Cats jumped down

To join the throng in a song

In that now merry,

 Joyous happy Trhoo town.

Then the Cat picked

 A cone from that Tree

And told the Treasure cat

'Tis a seed for a new Liberty Tree.

Then they all did dance

 And they all did  frolic,

And showering His abundant love,

The Cat gave all a luscious wet love-lick.

But what happened to the Prince,

Well, in Trhoo-Vail they say,

That the Prince's head

Shrank two sizes that day,

And the minute his crown

Didn't feel quite so tight,

He realized he also had a heart

In that bright morning Light.

And He dared not steal anymore,

For a wee while at least,

And he himself, the Prince,

Cut up that most hated

 Most-suspected-Trhoo list.

    "Come on, Alix," said I, "come outside and join the feast, ho, ho!" 

     But Alix was still too tired and perhaps a little bit sick, perhaps from walking around in the snow without a coat and anyway his work, at least for the time being, was finished and anyway he was happy that Catlan was back and the Prince shown his com-up-pence, and therefore Alix fell into a deep wonderful comforting sleep.

***

A few days  later, on December 6, 2006, in the middle of the night.

      As Alix slowly woke up, he felt something licking his face and at once thought this must surely be the Big Cat, Catlan, lovingly licking him and this brought a big, joyous smile to Alix's face, but when he did open his eyes he saw that it was only a small cat there before him.  "And where am I," thought a perplexed Alix who was just getting used to the bright lights in the room about him.  He saw that he was lying in bed.  Sitting beside the bed was me (Santa Claus, that is. -- R.B.) I was the one who turned on the lights and blared it into Alix's eyes, he, he!  He gets much too much sleep these days: why who need all of fours of sleep, anyway, he, he.

      Alix saw before him a large Christmas tree in the corner of the room and under it were some presents: first there was a  replica of the Liberty Tree; in the Liberty tree was a small Cheshire Cat;  then there was a small green Prosperity Willow Tree under the Liberty Tree and under that a small plastic flower bed with red, white and blue flowers; around these flowers was a small Christmas manger scene; and finally in the Christmas tree, Alix thought he saw, if he squinted his eyes just right, a rather large stuffed Aslan from C.S. Lewis's Narnia series.

    "Oh, I see that you are finally up, you lazy bones. Oh, don't mind this small cat. It seems to be a good friend of yours."  

     "Now, where did that cat go to?" said Alix.

     "Well, that cat seems to have a mind of it's own. It's quite an independent cat.  It is out in the wild now, but I am sure it can take care of itself."

    "I am sure it can, but more importantly I am sure it can take care of us."

    "What do you mean?" I asked,  knowing precisely what he meant, for Alix always say what he means and means what he says, ho, ho.

    "Ho ho, I mean what I say," thought a sleepy Alix, "That cat belongs to no one!"  Just at that time,  Alix noticed a small card among his presents. He picked it up and read it with wonderment: it was a business card marked 'The Three Amigos Broadcasting:  High decibels is our business.' And marked boldly in red on it were the words 'For our El Torro Bravo.'

    "Yes, I am the Bull that Bellows," thought Alix, "but more important is the Cat that Roars, but how did this card get here?"

   With that Alix fell into a deep sleep dreaming one heck of a dream.  He woke up a little later and told me about it and I bet he had mixed up in his mind his current bedroom scene with a scene he saw in One-World-Land.

   Well, he said the dream ended on a glorious vision: this picture started out with the Red, White and Blue Flower Bed around a Christmas manger scene and all this was protected and prospering under a wonderful Green Prosperity Tree which itself was under a Luxurious Liberty Tree with--you guessed it--a Treasure Cat in it, with all this under a huge, huge, Christmas Tree; and somewhere in it, or perhaps, everywhere in it, he saw his dear Cat, but this time it was very big and it too was smiling. It was the end of the day (probably Christmas day, Alix presumed) and the Big Cat started to gradually disappear, but before he was totally gone, He said a few words for all to hear. Saying that even though they may not, this Cat, anymore see, He would always be around if you would just look about the Big Tall Tree and Alix knew, yes he decidedly knew, that this Cat was most certainly still around and would always be around guarding us from tyranny and providing the groundwork for setting us all finally and irrevocably free!

 The End

Or

Maybe, just the Beginning?

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