CHAPTER 18

TO TELL THE TRUTH:

THE LION, THE KING AND THE UNICORN

   A curtain--that was hung between a gap in The Wall--was now, indeed, pulled open--by who knows what creatures--to reveal to Boris a quite wondrous television-type set in an open space in the Dark Wood: it consisted of three desks formed in an semi-circle with many wondrous people behind them sitting before microphones. These were its occupants, as Boris eventually learnt as this 'Game' proceeded: in the central desk, sat Tweedleleft and Tweedleright as the moderators of the game; to their right (Boris's left) was the 'contestants' desk with two empty chairs, one chair for Boris and the other chair for a personage to be introduced shortly; the desk on the Tweedles' left (Boris's right) held those three distinquished personages which Empty had just mentioned, and they, indeed, were personages of much dignity; lastly, a beautiful, slinky, catlike female, named Wanna, hovered in the background.

   When the curtain was fully opened, the Tweedles immediately began to speak, their counterpart finishing off the sentences that the other began, "Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, and dear Boris Harte, to the wondrous Game, TO TELL THE TRUTH. Boris, will you now, please, take your seat."

  Wanna guided Boris to his chair, with Walter still sitting on his shoulders, much like a Pirate's Parrot. When seated, Walter hopped down off his carrier and strutted back and forth across the Desk in front of his friend, causing Boris to exclaim, "Ah, now, I can be called a 'Carrier Human,' and you a 'Carried Pigeon,' ha."

   The Tweedles' continued, "You are contestant One, Boris. Now let us introduce contestant Two: he is one Chi Haihay, a King's Messenger," and at that a mysterious dark person emerged from out of the dark woods to quickly and silently take his place beside Boris; he was indeed mysterious, for  Boris could never really gather a good look at this figure, who seemed to shift and change as a dark shadow all throughout the game. Boris now recollected that this figure was the same Chi Haihay that had earlier advised Constitution, the Treasure Cat--or who Boris, at the time, thought was that Cat, and who Boris was, now, suspecting was not that Cat.

   As soon as Chi had sat down, the Tweedles continued on, "Our three mysterious guests on today's show all claim to be the one and only Catlan, but, of course, there can be only one Catlan.  Welcome to our Game, our three Catlans!"

   At that, the three Catlans stood up and each took a bow. There was much applause--from where it was generated Boris couldn't exactly tell, but it came from all about the place--the trees Boris surmised, and when some peanut shells rained down on him, he couldn't resist the thought of labelling this audience, the peanut gallery, no doubt, ho, ho.

   The three Catlans, in order, looked as follows: the first one was indeed a Lion, but he was oldish looking and wore large spectacles; the second Catlan was the same Chief Tweedle Elect (in short, simply called the King) that Boris met earlier and who now had officially taken over the Throne; the third Catlan was a very beautiful Unicorn that shone so brightly that it caused Boris to blink his eyes every time he looked directly at it.

   Boris thought at first that the Lion must be he real Catlan and, therefore, he thought it odd that a King and a Unicorn would have the temerity to pass themselves off as Catlan, but Boris thought that he might be in the wrong, as he seemed to have found himself so many times that day, if indeed, it was still the same day, or perhaps it was an 'other day.'

   After the Tweedles explained the rules of the game--principally for Boris's sake it seemed--the Game began.

   "Now, Catlan, number one," the Tweedles announced, "you may make your opening remarks."

   The Old Lion stood up with much dignity and said, "Goodday, ALL my dear Brothers--and Sisters--for ALL of you are indeed my loving Brothers--and Sisters; for I, indeed, have come down to the Land, a-time afore, to make all you dear folk a part of my Universal Family, for I love you one and ALL, and I plan to have one and ALL with me in the Big Wood in Sky after each one of you transitions from this world to the next. Thank You." 

   His opening remarks over, Catlan, number one, got a wild burst of applause with much peanuts now raining down on poor pea-nut-brained Boris.

   Next Chi stood up and proceeded to pace the floor like a prosecutor in a court case.  Looking at notes in his hand, he started to address Catlan number one, 'Now, Lord Catlan, I much appreciate your opening remarks, but I'm still a little puzzled over some mysterious aspects of your Lordly presence.  May I proceed with clearing up these matters with a small question or two, my Lord?"

   "You may proceed," graciously said Catlan, number one.

   "Now, my Lord, it seems in the past that you were quite spry and active, but now, it seems, to my poor perception, that you now appear to us all as somewhat old and decrepit: can you clear up this mystery for us?"

   "Oh course, my dear Brother. It is easy enough to clear up.  Knowing that my usual large and majestic Self had scared many of my dear Brothers--and Sisters--in the past, I now appear as a dear old vulnerable grandfather type these days so as not to frighten off my poor dear Brothers--and Sisters."

   "Good reply," my Lord, "It has certainly cleared things up for me."

   After Chi returned to his seat, Boris stood up rather timidly and paced the floor for some time with his hand over his mouth in deep thought until he finally got the courage to address the Catlan that he thought, at least at first, was the real deal, "Dear, uhh, Lord, I, too, am much impressed by your opening remarks, and I, too, am a little confused by some mysterious aspects of your mighty presence. May I also ask you a question or two to clear these up?"

   "Proceed," said Catlan number one, perhaps a little too warily it seemed to Boris, and which seemed to initiate, some more doubt into his mind.

   "You say, Lord, that you welcome ALL the creatures in this Land into your Kingdom after they transition, as you say, into the next world. Does this mean that you even welcome the snakes into your Kingdom?"

   Responding in a slightly indignant and strong voice, Catlan, number one, said, "Although, from your perspective, they seem to be an evil lot, you don't have the power--that I only have--to see into their hearts, and I see creatures that have cooperated in the past, that cooperate now, and will cooperate in the future, with my very loving Grace and therefore I do, indeed, welcome them, one and ALL, with open loving arms, into my Kingdom."

   "Even those snakes that continue on with their evil mission of stealing eggs, right up to the day they die, committing these evil deeds without a shred of remorse, never repenting of their acts one bit, and knowing full well that their deeds are evil?"

    The Lion replied in a very loud and harsh tone, "Who do you think you are, Boris Harte--one who I know very intimately to the very last hair on your head and who does commit, over and over, many-a-sin every day--to come before Me and judge Me! Therefore judge not before the time until I shall come; when I will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the councels of the heart!" Then the old Lion roared so loud that the earth shook and, in the process, bowled poor little Boris unto the grass.

   Slowly getting up, Boris replied, "I am sorry, my Lord. I perhaps have misspoken. Can you forgive me, Lord?"

   "Yes, my son. Now, go in peace."

   And with that, Boris slowly slunk back to his seat.

    Boris's head was still abuzz, when he heard Catlan number three, the Unicorn, begin its opening remarks, "..from time immemorial I have been ever mentioned in Holy Writ of Old and of New; in Old, where I was a beacon of Strength and, in New, where I manifested myself in the Incarnation; yes, in the Incarnation which is shown quite frequently in paintings of Old wherein is depicted my Terrible Divine Nature being subdued by a Beautiful Immaculate Lady; and lately I am everywhere reconciling all through my Divine Love. Thank You."

   Soon Boris heard Chi interrogating the Unicorn, saying, "It has been said by some that you are a symbol, or focus, of occult powers. How do you respond to that?"

   Boris heard some of the Unicorn's response, "...ahh, symbols, one of my creations which I placed in creatures' heads in order for then to understand fully the world: they are neutral entities that can be used for good or ill. If some evil person twists a once good symbol for his own perverted purposes, then I can do naught, for I created all my dear loving creatures to have free will."

   Boris heard Chi respond, "Very Good answer, my Lord Unicorn, it has cleared up the matter most completely."

   Next, in a frazzle, Boris heard his name being called to come out to confront the Unicorn, but he was still down in the dumps, over, as he thought, his unwarranted and prideful attack on the Lord and Master of the Universe.

   Then he felt pecking at his addled head and soon realized that it was Mister Walter Pigeon doing this indenting, but Boris didn't care and thumped his head most miserably back onto the desk.

   Then, as if from far away, Boris heard the voice of Walter speak, "Get a hold of yourself. Don't get bogged down by the psychlogical tactics used by our so called Catlans; use your noggin first, and then the Heart will come."

   "Huh, how so?" said a weary Boris.

   "Was the response of Catlan number one completely Orthodox?"

   "Come to think of it, no!"

   "Then he wasn't Catlan, and therefore, there was no Catlan to chastise you."

   "You are right!"

   "Then go out there and continue the battle."

   "Ya!"

   Eventually Boris got up to confront the Unicorn, criticising many aspects of this creature, and eventually saying "...I concede your point about the neutrality of symbols, but I have some specific problems with your thesis: first, while it is true that you are a symbol of Strength; you were sometimes depicted in Holy Writ of Old as a symbol of out-and-out Terror. And while I concede that your figure was used by early Catlanites, this symbol's gait, or effect, is quite lame as shown by the fact that the Catlanite symbolism tacked unto your figure is little known in these days.  In fact, today, you are used much as a symbol for all kinds of New Age occultism, and, it seems, I have never heard you complain about that fact one bit...Be off with you, fake Catlan, who presently bedevils broods of vipers--vipers who call unto devils in your name--and whence devils are called, they will surely come. In short, in this age, your ties to Catlanity are weak and your ties to the Devilry are strong. Be off!"

   The only response from the Unicorn was a mild winny, as the Light from it now seemed to be all but distinguished, at least in the eyes of Boris; however, much booing from the peanut gallery commenced and increased with every word spoken by Boris. In addition, it seemed like a thousand drums, beaten by a thousand invisible hands, were now trying to drown out the small voice of Boris.

   Nevertheless, Boris continued on couragely and he was now going through these spurious Catlans like knife through butter. In his response to the King's opening remarks, he shot him down very thoroughly, saying, "Although I am glad that you do not claim to be Catlan himself, but only his Official Vicar and Emissary for Hope and Change, I doubt even the little you claim, for despite your association with all type of Holy Writ Re-Gurgitator and Mis-Interpreter--which  I do not accept as True Re-Present-atives of Catlan--I don't believe that you are loyal even to these lowly shadows of the True Faith; furthermore, as your record shows, you are, without a doubt, tightly in League with those ubiquitous and vicious brood of venal Vipers and egregious Egg Stealers. Be gone, you vapid pestilential congregation of vapours!"

   As he said that, the drumming and booing reached a screeching, head-racking, crescendo; however, soon, for some reason, for good or ill, the whole set was taken away in the wild, whirling Hurricane now currently visiting the Land, leaving only himself in the eye of the storm. 

  Then Boris dropped to his knees and prayed very mightily, "The Lord is nigh unto all that call upon him: to all that call upon him in truth. My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord: and let all flesh bless His holy name. Stir up Thy power and come, we pray Thee, O Lord, and with great might succour us; that our deliverance--which our sins impede--may be hastened by the help of Thy grace and the forgiveness of Thy mercy," and soon Boris was also taken up into the wild whirlwind storm, and in the blink of an eye, the storm had deposited him into a comfy chair before a long winding table!

   Seated before this table, were Pigeons of all size and shape: babbling, bobbing baby Pigeons; krazy, kooky, kid Pigeons; terrible, just-tolerable, teen Pigeons; mature, amorous, young-adult Pigeons; middle-mangled, married (or single-singing) model Pigeons; and last of all wise, wizen, withered Pigeons; and this multitudinous, merrilicious, band of Peckilicious Pigeons was about to Feed on, none other, than Roast Seed with all this merriment being hosted by none other than our dear friends Walter and Wilma Pigeon, whereat Walter said, "Oh God, thank you for the treat, now all dig in before you miss getting 'nough to eat!"

   And Boris was glad and wondered what kind of wild and whirling antics were in store for him from this wild and wooly bird's nest!