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The Bayern Boys (1884-1984-?)
Webmaster's Preface to The Bayern Boys
R.B. Webmaster Canada Dec 25, 2007
I've been receiving emails from one Horst Bierbrau from various locations in Europe and sometimes from elsewhere. I am a webmaster who has been hired by Horst to place his emails unto a website. Each of his emails is a story and they are coming to me at about one every two months. Note that I have added the pictures and the web-page structure to the stories and nothing else. Let Horst himself explain the genesis of these stories in his own foreword which I have placed on the next page.
(Note: I commend Horst very much for his attempts to speak and write in English. Although his English is not very good, it still strangely has a poetic beauty to it which you will no doubt soon find out in the foreword below. Although I myself even laughed at his sometimes quaint phraseology, I was laughing more with him than at him, for I realize that I would have the very same problem if I had to speak and write in German. In addition, his bad English not only gives rise to unintentional laughs but also unintentional--and sometimes not so unintentional--profundities and wit.)
Note that Horst has translated all German to English. However, I have retranslated some words back to German for effect (with the English translation following in round brackets.) However my German spelling is not so good and there may be some spelling mistakes here and there.
TRANSLATOR'S FORE-WORDS TO DAS BAYERN BOYS
June 2007
I, Horst Bierbrau, am being a native of Landsberg am Lech, Bavaria. Near my very much nice Town is the glorious Castle called by the Name of Kaltenberg. There, every year since 1980, they are putting on there the very exciting and prosperous Kaltenberger Ritterspiele which is being jousting Tournaments that is again acting-out many very nice medieval Traditions. It is very much a lot of Fun. However, I am not writing to you because of such Trivialities, but I have to tell you some very important Urgencies and so I will not be beating around the Bush very much. Last year at the Ritterspiele there was enacted a very mysterious Accident in one Parkinglot near the Castle. In it, there died an ex-Priest being named Maximillian Harte of seventy-three Years of age and being with him also dying was his Wife Betty-Ann, 63 Years of age, and their son Richard also dying being the ripe young age of 33. I was just being there by a fortuitous Coincidence and before they died, Max gave me a Briefcase. He said it was full of Papers containing very many Stories of very much import. He told me that he wished that, if it was not too much Trouble, if I could be putting the stories on the Internet, for they were very worthy Stories holding very many Truths about this World that must be coming out. I told him, as he was just breathing his last Breathes, that I would be very glad to do this for I told him I was a very rich Man acquiring very many Moneys through the Acts of Inheritance and that I had very much Time to type this out, for I was usually very much bored out of my skull and needed to be doing something to waste my Time with more Purpose. Then he thanked me very much and then he died. Well, by golly, I did what he said and I typed it out and it is on the Internet.
(This German Version is not on my site. R.B.)
However, the Problem for you out there as you are being in the position of speaking English, is that the stories are all now being in the Position of being written in German. So I have been lately doing the act of translating them one by one into English and then sending them to my good friend, R.B., who has been very kind in that he has been putting them on the Web for me. (I am thinking it will be taking me about two whole months to be translating each book and so altogether this big gigantic project will be taking a little bit more than three years to be all finishing up--or perhaps more time than that. But do not be worrying your very little heads about over this and start being very anxious about waiting for this very much nice exciting story, for I will be sending out one story every two months to my good friend R.B. who will then be putting out these wonderful little stories for your perusal benefits.) I have been lately doing the Work of brushing up on my English which wasn't too healthy to be starting off with and so I am very sorry if my English is not so good. But you are now saying very much to yourself, why, Horst, you dumb Fool, why are you not getting into the Habit of hiring someone else to be translating these Stories. Well, you see, I can't because I am being now on the run all the time, for the Police did not take too much kindly to me for taking away from a crime Scene a Piece of Evidence; and not only that, but some very nasty and shadowy People have been also following me for some very nasty Reasons, I am very sure of that. Well, I am not very much bored out of my skull now, at least I can thank God for that much. Well, like I said before, I am hoping that my very bad English is not being very much offensive to you English readers or in fact also to my German readers...however, I am spending much time learning my English in a better way and I hope it will be becoming better as I translate more and more of these Stories. By the way, there are about twenty-one Stories here. Well, I shouldn't say Stories for they are actually Tales that are relating very much those real events in the life of the Author. And who is the Author of these very urgent Books. Well, I will let him introduce himself in a much more fulsome way in his Prologue which I have entered into this Email just after this little Foreword of mine. For now I will tell you his Name is Franz Harte and he was the great-grandfather of Maximillian Harte, the same Maximillian who was dying in the Accident and giving me the Briefcase. In fact Franz wrote the Stories (in the German Language) when he was the ripe old Age of 121. Yes, 121. This was just before he died. He wrote it in his Birthplace near Bad Tölz, Bavaria, just before he died in the year 1986. He had just come back from America where he was living off-and-on in New York City with Max for the last fifteen Years or so. But he lived most of his life in Bavaria. Because he was fond of the Hardy Boys series of Books he wrote his Memoirs as if they were all Hardy Boys Mysteries. In fact, the entire series is called The Bayern Boys (Bayern pronounced bye-ern.) The twenty-one Stories are taking place in time from the years 1884 to 1984 and are taking place in locations mainly in Bavaria, but some are taking place elsewhere, like Flanders Fields, Rome, New York City and some other locations in Europe. The twenty-one Stories are being arranged into three Series of seven Stories each. The Names of the Series and the Dates that they are taking place in are 1) The Last of the Good Times? (1884-1918), 2) The Last of the Jews? (1918-1948), and 3) The Last of the Catholics? (1948-1984). Also very much in addition to these three series I am being in the process of starting the writing a fourth series by my very own lonesomes and it is being based on three very much good sources of information: 1) the diaries of Max Harte also found in that suitcase; 2) my own perusalment of newspapers and the internets and the stuffs coming out of peoples very own mouths and 3) directly from the very open mouths of some distant relatives of Max who are now living in the much tree-enshrouded darksome interiors of that beautiful Kanadier province, British Columbia. In very much facts, I am living with them at the very present times and enjoying every minute of it. This last series will be called The Last of the Human Race? (1985-?), which is a funny thing for if I am correct in my own assessments then I will be having no audience to read these books; but, what the hey, Horst, then I'll also be not around this ole world to be raking in the profits for this ole world will be gone with the winds along with my very nice bald skull. Well, I have been in the act of beating that Bush around too many hours and those dark Men are after me again. Well, Horst, it looks like you may have to be packing up your Bags again and starting to be running again; ach du lieber, Horst, you are having no set Place to be placing your poor dumb Head on the Ground. Well, that is Life, for me at least.
Auwiedersehn And Grüß Gott (Greetings to God) From Horst
FRANZ HARTE'S PROLOGUE TO THE BAYERN BOYS (In the form of a letter from Franz to Max)
Franz Harte Harte Estate The Harteberg Near Bad Tölz, Bavaria May 1, 1986
Dear Max,
Well, Max, I'm back now on our ancestral estate--if you can call what is left of it an estate. Although I'm a little tired my mind is still sharp and active. Dear Katze who is still such a pretty young bird of 120 years of age is making some Café for us. We are, of course celebrating today Mai-Baum-Auf-Stellen (May Day Pole Raising) and also our one-hundredth wedding anniversary: how many can say that!? (What is this anniversary called: I must check my Amerikaner Hallmark Calendar: I don't think they even have one.) Since we must go to Eich Godfried's Warenhaus (store) just to use a phone, I will call you later; this old place--one of the student cabins where we first lived as newlyweds: quite quaint, nicht wahr? (not true?)--isn't hooked up yet and I don't think we even want a phone: we're trying to keep it like the old times, but that's hard to do. Well, I'm just starting to write out my Memoirs. First, I will start with the years 1884 to 1918. I think I will call this series of seven books, The Last of the Good Days? Most of them will be mainly funny and merry tales full of adventure and suspense. But you just can't make the War Years into something very merry, although there are always bright and funny spots in any era. So as you can see the stories will start out merry and gradually get darker and darker; but there's always hope, especially for one who believes in Jesus Christ. Since I have been so enamored of the Hardy Boys series--a series that I have been reading to myself, and you, ever since I arrived in New York in 1948--I will write my books in the Hardy Boys style. I will call the whole series--running the gamut of the years from 1884-1984--The Bayern Boys. Even though the series is about the Harte Boys, that does not mean that some of the Harte Fräuleins don't have much to do will all the hazardous happenings in the book; however, these Fräuleins are not feminists in the worst sense. I have my own diaries as the source of much of these stories. Of course, many of the stories will include stuff from your grandfather, your father, and yourself. Thank God, the whole Harte clan are inveterate diary or letter writers. I have much of the family's writing in many boxes before me. I will distill the most important stuff from them and make them into exciting Hardy Boys type adventures; but I don't have to embellish much, for much of our lives have been exciting in themselves. Also, I will be writing in the third person observer mode and I will even be referring to myself in the third person (that is, everyone will be referred to by their names or by she or he.) In addition, note that I will sometimes speak directly in my own voice (i.e. as Franz) when I needed to clarify some point by adding some information I found out later or in some other way. These asides will be most often in square brackets and indented. Well, I will be typing them out on my old typewriter--don't like those fancy new mini-computers--and sending you photocopies of each story as I finish them. I think it will take about a year to finish off all of the 21 books I am contemplating on writing. Yes, only a year, for they will all be small books--just like the Hardy Boys Books--about 250 pages each and containing only about 250 words per page. I will also be going full blast at it full time--what else have I got to do at my age. Since I have been enamored by American television over the years, I have overlaid an Episodic Structure over the usual book-chapter form. Every book will have sixteen chapters and ever four chapters will be structured as a Episode. If these four chapters would be made into real TV shows they would last 44 minutes (with 16 minutes for those ubiquitous Amerikaner Commercials.) In book form, the episodes contain more material and on average should take about an hour to read. Oh, By the way, I will be writing them in German, for now I seem to be becoming more comfortable with my original father tongue. And it will be giving the kids a reason to brush up on their German. Hope all is well in New York and with the family.
Yours Truly Franz
For all have sinned and do need the glory of God. Romans 3:23
Assume all can be good, Assume all can be bad, For most are a bit of both. Convict no one until proof arises. Convict no one of more than the proof comprises. Love all no matter how sinful, For LOVE loves you who art so prideful. Saying of Baron Harte
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